Songs of the Past
by jixue
Summary: Killua has been gone for years but Gon gets into an accident and completely loses his memory. Now, Killua, Leorio and Kurapika must help Gon travel to remember. How can they manage to complete the mission when trouble is heading their way? All is fair in love and war! KilluGon. Implied LeoPika. (Discontinued)
1. Dreams

\- - _If you knew how deeply I long for you…  
__You wouldn't have to run away from me in this way  
__If I found a way to express my love  
__You wouldn't have to fight alone tonight in this world - -_

* * *

**Chapter 1 –夢  
Dreams**

* * *

"_You never needed me."  
_"_You never cared about me."  
__"You only wanted to find your father."  
_"_You didn't even realize that I was always there."_

_No. no. no. _That's not true! _It was always you and it always will be. I need you and care for you more than anything in the world. I was going to introduce you to my father—I knew you were always there for me… If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have made it this far…_

Gon cried in his sleep. His body trembled and shook as he reached for an empty space, crying his best friend's name and begging for him to come back. The image of his most important person slowly fading away into darkness was beginning to make him cold… alone.

Kurapika came running in to Gon's room, a worried expression plastered on his face as he reached for the boy who was reaching for nothing. He wrapped his arms around the shaking boy, resting his head against his chest for comfort and rubbing his back to help him from crying any further. "Gon… It's okay… You're not alone; I'm here. I won't leave you. Leorio and I won't leave you…"

A yawn was heard from the door. "Another one?"

The blond specialist nodded as the boy in his arms fell asleep. The tall medical hunter walked towards Kurapika and sat next to the two them, holding Kurapika close as his face darkened in sadness. His gray eyes were clouded with tears and Leorio couldn't help but kiss those hurtful looking eyes. "Baby…"

"It's not right seeing him like this. This isn't him."

"We both know why he's been like that. We can't do anything until he tells us what's on his mind—we need to respect how he feels."

"Leorio, it's not that I don't respect how he feels, this kid has been crying over Killua. Don't you want to know what's going on his mind and do something about it?"

Leorio bit his lip and brushed his hair. Of course he wants to know what's going on with Gon; with being a professional doctor comes with concern within people they care about. Gon was one of them. But there's nothing they could do unless Gon speaks up—with the fake grins and jokes that he tries to use to cover his sadness, Leorio can't help but go along with it.

It's been seven years since he lost his nen. It's been seven years since Gon has been without Killua.

Gon found a safe cocoon in Mito-san but eventually he fell apart and left two years after the separation with his best friend. He left two years after.

It's been five years since Gon has lived with Leorio and Kurapika.

Until then, the two of them can no longer hold their pained heart, watching Gon hurt like this.

"Kurapika…"

"Yeah?"

"He fell asleep, we should—"

"I don't want to leave him." Kurapika's voice was concerned and firm. His lover couldn't help but sigh in defeat and reach forward to peck his lips then pat Gon's head. "Just don't push yourself, alright?"

Before Leorio stood up to walk out of the room, Kurapika reached for his robe.

"Can you stay with us?"

With a short groan, he stared at Kurapika who continued to hold his friend close against his chest.

Gon seemed to have calmed down as he slept peacefully with arms wrapped around him. The warmth that he felt was enough to get him by, but one way or another, at the back of the boy's mind, the coldness will reach out to him again. His best friend will get even further than he already is.

"K-Killua…" Gon whimpered as his brows furrowed with a pained expression.

_I can't watch him like this_, Kurapika thought as he cried quietly, watching the boy. Leorio smiled slightly at the sight; Kurapika's motherly instincts were kicking in (there has been recent arguments about his feminine personality coming out) and also, one of his closest friends was in major pain. Things couldn't get any worse than that.

"Killua will come back, don't worry." Leorio said, full of hope.

"What if he doesn't?" Kurapika asked quietly while laying Gon down on his pillow.

Leorio placed a hand on top of Kurapika's shoulder as they both watched the younger one sleep his pain away. Tomorrow will be a brand new day. A new day comes a new night. New night with the same nightmares… It's torture.

Kurapika reached for his pockets to take his cellphone out and dialed a number.

A groggy voice answered the phone. "…_Kurapika… it's three in the morning_…"

"Gon is having nightmares."

Silence.

"…_Of what? Or rather… of who?_"

"Of you."

Killua sounded much more awake compared to when he answered the phone, "_Again? We were just chatting a few hours ago before we headed to bed. What happened?_"

"I don't know what's going on…" Kurapika began to sob.

It was strange to hear Kurapika cry on the other line.

"…_I haven't exactly been sleeping well either, you know…_"

"Can you come and visit?"

"_I can't. I can't see Gon. Not until I'm strong enough—"_

"Fuck being strong enough!" the blond barked on the phone. Leorio panicked, fearing that Gon would wake up. His voice was loud enough for even the neighbors to hear.

"He cries in his sleep. He keeps calling out your name, Killua. He keeps trying to tell us that he's okay; to convince us that nothing's bothering him but we can see it in his eyes. He probably thinks you replaced him with Alluka."

"_That's not true… Gon's been the only one on my mind, but I have to protect my sister and I need to become stronger. I can't have any distractions, you know that…_"

Silence.

"_Plus… If I come to see Gon now, I don't think I'll be able to hold myself back from the things I want to do to him. I need to refrain myself and distance is the best solution for that right now. Kurapika, I'm sorry, you'll have to deal with his nightmares for a little while longer._"

Leorio could hear everything. The silence of the night was loud enough. He grabbed the phone.

"We can deal with his pain just fine. But there are some things that support and comfort alone cannot do. You probably know this already, but you're denying it; Gon needs you. He needs you more than anyone."

Killua didn't say anything.

A minute. Two minutes has passed. The doctor was going to snap and yell at this absolutely idiotic child who suppresses their feelings just because—

"_I know that. But being around him will destroy my resolve. I know that. I need him too. I can't. I really can't._"

The phone line ends. Leorio clenched his fists but Kurapika held it to calm him down as the scarlet-eyed boy shook his head in dismay.

"As painful as it sounds, I'm sure Killua wants to see him too. Now just isn't the time…"

There was an urge to punch the wall, but instead of doing so, Leorio got on his knees and buried his head on Kurapika's lap. The two of them watched the young boy sleep in agony.

_Hang in there Gon…_

* * *

He closed his phone and threw it on the wall. It tore into pieces. The ex-assassin couldn't care less. Materialistic things such as a cellphone could be replaced in a second.

But there are other things that are irreplaceable.

As a matter of fact, a certain _someone _is irreplaceable.

Killua was wide-awake now. His sister was sound asleep in the other room; he could feel her aura calm and rested. He stared at the ceiling and reached for space as though he was reaching for someone.

"Gon…" he whispered.

He felt hot tears flooding his eyes, his vision began to blur, his mindset brought him to the point where his world was spinning and his breathing became heavy, his chest in pain.

Today would make it 8 years since he last seen his best friend.

There were things he couldn't tell his sisters. Things he couldn't tell anybody. Not even Leorio and Kurapika who kept in touch with him once in a while. Not even Gon who tried his best to talk to him everyday with a huge smile on his face like everything was fine.

Killua bites his lip hard; the iron taste of blood was now against his tongue. But he continued to deepen the bite, to keep himself from screaming his heart out.

The boy cried.

He's been crying to himself ever since.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hunter x Hunter. This is simply a girl's subset to whatever is going on her mind. Leave some reviews please. Arigatou.


	2. Gentlemen Dont

**Chapter 2 – 接吻と言う  
Gentlemen Don't Kiss and Tell**

* * *

Gon could hear two hearts beating along with his in his sleep. The assumption of having another dream caused him to open his eyes and sat up, finally realizing that he must have given trouble to his friends again.

Kurapika was sound asleep while Leorio spooned him from behind, comfortably sleeping with his hands holding Kurapika's. Their breathing harmonized.

In a sense, he knew that he had to tell his friends about what he's been thinking about. Or maybe his friends already knew and just have not been telling him. He'd like to think that they're not aware of his brokenness.

_Life's not over, I can start again_. Heh. Yeah right.

He turned 21 a few days ago, but his birthday has lost its significance after Killua has gone. They celebrated his birthday extravagantly, but it seemed has though nothing good lasts forever. His black hair was spiked up as always and he grew stronger physically; it was a good way of showing how he matured as a person.

Emotionally and mentally, he's fucked up unevenly.

With a clench of his fist, Gon looked at his two friends once more and smiled slightly. Never did they once question his decisions or why he left Whale Island. It was such a heavy topic to talk about, and even though years have passed, Gon still couldn't bring himself to gain the strength to tell them the truth that he's been missing Killua.

But what was wrong with that? What's wrong with missing your best friend?

Absolutely everything.

Killua left at strong will, at first so did Gon. Gradually, it fell apart when the duo has ended and the impact it left to the pro hunter was fairly terrible.

His thoughts were going to override but then Kurapika woke up.

Tired from watching over Gon and his lack of sleep, Kurapika still managed to open his grey eyes and stare at his friend. "Is something wrong?"

"No… I was wondering why you both are here."

"Ah, Leorio and I were playing around. This idiot fell asleep before I knew it and I couldn't bring myself to get him out of the room." Lie.

"Really?" Gon didn't seem to buy his explanation.

"Oi, Leorio," Kurapika whispered. The snoring doctor growled and tightened his grip around the blond. With a huge sigh, Kurapika released his chains and decided to put one on his nose. "Wake up."

Leorio's eyes widened at the strange sensation he felt on his nose. "KURAPIKA! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?"

"You wouldn't wake up." Kurapika stated as he rolled his eyes and sat up.

"Can't you find a better way to wake me up?"

"I would—I could… but it wouldn't be appropriate at our current location now would it?"

Confused at what Kurapika was trying to say, Leorio scratched his head and looked down at Gon who was staring at the two of them with pure innocence. "Oh, shit."

_Could you get any stupider?_

But Leorio wasn't _that_ stupid. Kurapika pinched his arm from behind and the man tried to contain the pain to himself before Gon become suspicious. They're not supposed to know.

"I was trying to get Kurapika to help me in the office today," he said rubbing the pinched spot on his hand. "One of the nurses called in sick, and my medical receptionist kind of bailed out on me because she has an anniversary with her husband."

Okay, so that wasn't entirely a lie. Kurapika really was supposed to help Leorio because his receptionist couldn't come.

"Ah, really." Gon blinked. "What does that got to do with you guys sleeping on my bed though? With me all the way on the edge of the bed too…"

"Oh. That's easy—" a pause. "—we were trying to play hide and seek."

"Hide and seek?" Gon and Kurapika asked in unison. Can this man get any stupider?

With a gulp, Leorio tried to explain himself further. "I'm a hospital doctor, you can't expect me to be antisocial and not interact with kids—Kurapika needs to be more… _out there_, you know? Maybe in bed he is but—"

SMACK.

A red mark on Leorio's face, "…but in public he's very timid and rough. Even the kids are scared of him. He needs to be friendly."

Gon nodded in agreement. "That's true, but that's Kurapika's personality. He hasn't been anything else since we all first met."

There it was. _Another memory_.

Kurapika and Leorio were expecting a shade of disappointment on Gon's face but the boy was an expert at keeping his feelings to himself. There's no way he'd show the pain. Gon grinned widely instead.

"Remember when Leorio made a bet and lost on purpose to touch a girl's chest?"

The blond nodded in irritation pertaining to his boyfriend that blushed at the reminder of the past. "He's well suited with her. A gambler and a quack doctor."

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"You heard me."

"Sometimes, you make me wonder why I'm even in love with you."

Kurapika didn't budge but closed his eyes in response. "Likewise."

The man crossed his arms. "I can't believe we're still on about her. I didn't even get to know her name so what makes you think I'm going to leave you for her?"

"I didn't say that you were going to leave me for her. If you did I'll kill you."

Leorio gulped the second time. "You won't kill me if you love me."

The mood in the room suddenly changed. Gon woke up feeling confused, Kurapika was worried, and Leorio panicked but now the three of them shared a bond that cannot ever be taken. Family.

Kurapika was laughing in the background, there was a thrill in Gon's heart that kept his smile strong and he knew that as long as he had his friends around, he was going to be okay.

"I love you, that's why I won't kill you." Kurapika smiled, wrapping his arms around Leorio. "But if there ever comes a time where you cheat on me or replace me for someone insignificant, I really will."

And the contract was set.

Something clicked in Gon's innocent mind and stared at the couple.

"Just out of curiosity, but did you guys have sex yet?"

Silence filled the room and a gust of wind passed through the windows.

* * *

Killua woke up from a sneeze. Someone must have been thinking about him.

He yawned, clasped his hands together and stretched to have complete awakening then looked out to the window to see the scenery from the hotel they're at.

Little does Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio know, Killua was just a few minutes away from them. It was hard to do it at first, but after several persuasions coming from Alluka, he gave in and decided it was time for them to stay at one spot.

Illumi has been tiring. Killua needed to do all that he can do protect his sister and he did so. His training was messy; spending days without sleep, working out at the gym, and defeating the entire floor masters at Heaven's Arena and that included Hisoka. Beating Illumi to stay away from harming Alluka was a piece of cake.

That was two years ago though, now, Killua has been going around, accepting missions from the Hunter's association to get money even though here's practically a billionaire.

But what's kept him from lying this whole time? He's been telling Kurapika and Leorio that he still has yet to protect his sister from upcoming danger, but there's no one else who's after them now. Illumi has admitted defeat, and Killua and Alluka were free to finally do as they please.

What's scaring Killua this time? The ex-assassin doesn't know.

What he does know is that he truly misses Gon. It's just something his pride will never come to admit. Almost half a year passed since he's been watching the boy. Suffering on his own just as he was. Why the hell can't he end their agony now?

That's right, because he feels like Gon will become selfish again.

Whenever Gon becomes selfish, he has the habit of leaving Killua behind.

He sat up, closing his eyes to feel what his sister was doing and reached for his phone once he realizes that Alluka was still asleep. "Hello?"

"Yo, Gon."

"K-Killuaaaaaa!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah? Why do you ask?"

Killua clicked his tongue, shit. He can't say that Kurapika called last night. "Just wondering if you had any plans for today."

"Oh. Ah—I don't know yet. I might help Leorio and Kurapika with work today. Guess it's the flu season."

Defeated despite wanting to continue the conversation, the white-haired boy looked at himself in the mirror while he held his new phone on his hand. "That's great. I'll bother you later."

Before he hung up, Gon rushed. "Killua I—"

"Hm?"

"Nevermind…"

"Gon, if something's wrong, you can tell me."

"Hypothetically speaking… If I said I miss you, would you miss me too?"

Killua's face softened at the question.

"…hypothetically speaking… I wouldn't just miss you too… I would miss you so much more than you think I do."

The two boys at the end of the line smiled to themselves.


	3. The Pressure

**Chapter 3 – 圧力  
****The Pressure**

* * *

After the line ended, Gon let out a sigh of relief. Happiness was a temporary feeling that but enough to get him going for the rest of the day. Kurapika and Leorio needed him and he's not going to let his emptiness get the best of everything.

He walked towards the bathroom to dress up.

For a moment, silence took over him. His head became empty while he stared at himself in the mirror. In his point of view, if you ever saw him back then until now, his appearance wouldn't have changed much. He looked the same.

Something has to change about him.

Gon looked down and opened the sink's drawer to take a scissor out. _What am I doing?_ He asked himself as his body moved on autopilot.

That's when he realized what his body was doing; his arms began to rise, the scissors aiming at his spikey long hair.

By the time he knew it, short strands of hair were on the ground. The older version of himself has become distinct and obvious. It was as though Gon was trying to erase the past.

The long hair he had when he became the older version of himself to beat Pitou and those sad eyes that Killua had but Gon never took into consideration that his best friend was hurting…

He was trying to erase the past. He knew that Killua isn't coming back.

_What am I doing?_ He asked again. _This isn't going to change anything._

"Gon! We're rushing out so we'll grab breakfast on the way there!" Kurapika's voice came from the first floor.

Snapping back to reality, Gon reached for his towel and opened the shower door.

"Okay!"

Kurapika came out in female nurse attire. Going with Leorio's plead of "being a sweet nurse," he tied his hair up and wore white shoes to go with the outfit.

"Is there a reason why I look like a girl?"

Leorio, whose back was facing his lover, tried to keep his perverted thoughts to himself.

Yes, in fact, Kurapika was cross-dressing. White top, hat, and tightened white skirt; you wouldn't think that this grown man was male at all.

A small nervous laugh came out from Leorio's mouth. "So that you'd look very _nice_ in my office. I don't want you to look like a priest."

"That didn't require me to wear a skirt. I could've worn pants."

"But it wouldn't look nice on you!"

"Are you implying that I'm better dressed as a female!?"

"No! I'm just saying you look _very_ nice—"

Gon could hear their quarrel from upstairs. So he dressed up as fast as he could and laughed at himself. His friends have been kind very kind and they only did so little yet he understands how much they care about him.

He loved green, if he could wear the green outfit that he wore years back, he would. But when puberty hits you, things change. Things _grow_.

Gon's memo hasn't changed much. He tried to look like a typical human being unlike Kurapika and Leorio who looks like legitimate professionals (which they are). Green V-neck shirt, black jacket, black pants; Gon was set. He started walking down.

"…And first of all, if it wasn't for you falling back asleep, you wouldn't be scramming to work! You took so damn long to shower, Gon had to wait. What did you do in the shower? Fall asleep?" Kurapika growled.

"You wanna fight me!?"

"That's an understatement. Are you trying to make me laugh? You wouldn't even be able to _touch_ me!"

"You bastard…"

Gon reached the last stair and they didn't even notice. "Guys…"

Leorio and Kurapika were heading butting each other with counterarguments but came to a stop when they heard Gon speak. They turned their heads, facing the boy, and tried to speak as coherent as possible. "Huh?"

Welp, that was a fail.

"Let's just go eat before we head to work," Gon insisted while he scratched his head.

Leorio stood up straight. "Gon? Doesn't Kurapika look hot?"

With a sweatdrop, Gon smiled awkwardly. "I think that's your way of saying, 'Isn't it a great chance to have sex with him?' or something…"

The doctor blushed like crazy. But Kurapika was studying Gon.

Something was different.

"You cut your hair."

Leorio looked back to Gon, then back to his boyfriend.

"WHAT!"

Silence.

"I didn't notice."

Gon could feel Kurapika twitch in annoyance. He ran out of the house before he heard Leorio scream in pain.

"FUCKING SHIT"

* * *

"Onii-chan?"

"Onii-chan!"

Killua didn't budge; he stared at his ice cream and started circling around the cup with a spoon. _I wonder what Gon is up to…_

"Mou, really… ONII-CHAN!"

Alluka's scream startled Killua, making him jump up from his seat and scream back. "WHAT!?"

The young Zoldyck tilted her head from the sudden reaction her brother gave. "You've been out of it lately, are you okay?"

"What makes you think I've been out of it?" he blinked. "I'm fine."

"You're lying." Her eyes got teary-eyed. "It's not good to lie when I'm all you have!"

_That's right… She's all I have_, Killua thought. "If something was wrong with me, I would tell you. Alright?"

"Does it have to do with Gon?"

Silence. "Onii-chan?"

"No, I talked to him this morning and he's alright."

Alluka took a bite off her sandwich, "why don't we go visit him?"

This caught the boy in surprise. "Wait, what? Seriously?"

She nodded and stared at her brother. "You want to see him right? I'd like to meet him too. After healing him, there wasn't much to it. I want to know who he is. What does that Gon guy have in him to change you to what you are now."

A wave of sadness hit Killua's eyes; the moment Alluka saw it, she wished she hadn't said anything. Who was Gon, and how important is he?

During the years, Killua only said so much about him and when he does, there's this glow in his eyes; happiness and pain combined. She knew that this person plays an important role in his life.

Her big brother rarely smiled back then. He was cocky, and confident but his kindness was overwhelming compared to the rest of the family. If you were important to Killua, he would do anything beyond his power to protect you and keep you safe, even if it costs his life.

People passed the two Zoldyck siblings. Killua still hasn't said a word. It was as if he was drowning on his own train of thoughts and Alluka was ready to apologize.

"I'm not ready to see him in person," he said quietly.

"Why, because you're not mentally prepared?"

With a sigh, Killua shook his head and raised his hand for a waiter. The signal was seen and one was heading their way. "It's not that, it's because I don't want to get hurt again."

"Did he hurt you, Onii-chan?"

_Yeah…_ "…Not intentionally. He didn't have a choice."

The waiter came and smiled "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

"Can I have a chocolate milkshake please?"

His order was listed and the waiter bowed. "I'll be right with you in a moment." Killua nodded.

Alluka then crossed her arms on the table and stared at her brother seriously.

"Do you have feelings for this Gon?"

Sigh. "It's not _this_ Gon, Alluka. He's a person. And I—" he froze.

Does he have feelings for Gon?

He looked down at his empty ice-cream cup. "I… I don't know…"

"Here's your chocolate milkshake!" A new waiter said from the background.

Killua and Alluka looked up to where the voice came from, assuming that the order was theirs to receive but it seemed to happen that the table next to his got the same thing.

A familiar voice said, "Um… I didn't order a chocolate milkshake…"

Out of curiosity, Killua moved out from his seat to take a peak of where the voice was coming from. Short, black spikey hair… Green…

_GON!_ Kurapika and Leorio were there with him too!

Despite how much the ex-assassin craved for his chocolate, it was time for the siblings to leave. Without any explanation, Killua set his money on the table and stood up. "Alluka, we have to go."

"Eh? We didn't get your chocolate milkshake yet! I think that was your order too—shouldn't we tell the waiter?" her question was making him panic. Once Gon finds out that Killua was nearby, things would change.

And he's not ready for change yet.

He bit his lip and stood up. "No, it's fine. We can get it for dinner but right we need to go. I saw an aquarium park that's close to here; I really wanted to check out the sharks."

Alluka suddenly detected the lie, but she didn't dare to ask why. The state of panic her brother had was obvious and if she asked any more questions, her brother would be more anxious.

"I want a balloon." It wasn't a request, thank god.

She stood up, reaching for her brother's arm as they quietly tried to walk out of the restaurant. "I'll get you a balloon, I don't care how many you want."

As they slowly walked out, Alluka released her arm.

"Onii-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Gon here?"

Killua's silence was enough to answer the girl's question.

* * *

Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio sat on a table, waiting patiently for their order. Leorio called in and said he was going to be late and the nurses that worked in his office were truly kind and told him to take his time.

After a few seconds later, a waiter comes in with a chocolate milkshake on their hand. "Here's your chocolate milkshake!" she said with a smile and placed it on Gon's side of the table.

The boy blinked in confusion, then returned the milkshake to the waiter.

"Um…I didn't order a chocolate milkshake…"

Kurapika and Leorio looked at the waiter who laughed nervously. "I'm so sorry! I probably got the wrong table. I'm new around here."

"It's okay," Gon smiled brightly. "I hope you enjoy working here! I'll be seeing you more often since my friends and I work a few blocks away."

The waiter bowed in respect and walked out.

Two customers stood up and walked out hand in hand. Gon didn't seem to notice because he was facing the other way.

Kurapika on the other hand, was in the middle of reading a book but when he placed his book down the table to take a break, he looked up and saw a boy with white hair.

He continued to study the two. Are they a couple? With his sharp sense of hearing, he tried to listen in to their conversation. The habit of being cautious never died.

"I want a balloon!" The girl said.

_Ah. Just another civilian…_

"Onii-chan?" she asked. "Is Gon here?"

Kurapika's eyes widened. _That must be Alluka! Then I wasn't wrong… That's Killua!_

The well-dressed nurse stood up from his seat, preparing himself to chase after the two Zoldyck siblings but something stopped him. _They're leaving quietly… Something's wrong… And the chocolate shake… Killua likes chocolate…_

He didn't want to be found.

If Killua claimed that the chocolate milkshake was his, they would have been looking towards his direction to see who the person is just out of curiosity. Gon would have seen him.

And Killua probably didn't want that to happen.

"_I can't… I just can't…_" Kurapika recalled the conversation last night.

"Kurapika?" Leorio looked up to his boyfriend. "What's wrong?"

Why does this have to be so damn complicated? Why can't the two of the boys have some sense of dignity and apologize and be okay again?

From behind, the same waitress comes walking in with their order. Kurapika decided to sit down with the rest of the gang, disregarding what he just saw.

"Nothing. I just felt some pressure."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! Not entirely sure if I come off giving some unfriendly vibe, but thanks for reading and subscribing! :3

As for Alluka becoming a "sister" or mentioned as "she" or "her"; yes, Alluka is actually a boy. However, in the manga and anime, Killua refers to Alluka as his younger sister. Therefore, I'll be mentioning Alluka as a female character.

**TECKK**: I'm very pleased that you've been reading my story. ;u; Thank you for keeping track on my updates.

And for the rest of you as well! I know some people don't have accounts. Hehe. Please continue to leave some reviews because they're super duper appreciated. I'm also open for ideas if you'd like to share them with me. Feel free to tell people about this soon to be sappy story. Hehe. Bye!


	4. Stained

**Chapter 4 – 染み  
Stained**

* * *

It started to rain.

Killua looked out to the sky and watch the rain fall down on his windowpane. He left Gon with a huge wound in his heart and even though it healed, the scar was there to remind him that no matter how many years passes by, the outcome with be the same.

"_At least I got you to apologize._" He remembered saying the day the parted.

It was hard to forget; Alluka and Nanika blamed themselves for having to cut off their partnership. Her strength was compared to a child and Killua knew that he'd have to train her to be able to defend herself.

The travelled the world as he promised to Alluka. Despite how much Alluka wanted to go back home and help Gon or just to hang out with him, he continued to place her as top priority, keeping Gon the second. She knew that wasn't the case, she knew that because she was defenseless, she came in first because she wasn't strong enough. With Gon going through his covenant, Killua knew that he could manage on his own, even just for a little while.

He sighed. The rain was falling really hard and their plans were canceled because of it. Watching everyone walk by around town made him jealous and envious that they're free by state of mind. Killua was trapped with his own feelings.

His phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"_Master Killua_." It was Canary.

"How many times do I have to say that you don't need to call me master?"

"_You know I can't do that. I was just checking on you and Master Alluka_."

Killua entered Alluka's room and watched her stare at the raindrops. "She and I are fine."

"_Have you told Master Gon yet_?"

There it was again. Everyone's always telling him to tell Gon that he's near. "No."

Canary sighed from the other line. "_Very well. Decide soon before it's too late. Now I won't ask any more questions. Take care of yourself._"

The line ended.

Alluka turned to her brother, becoming Nanika.

"Killua… pat my head."

* * *

Gon exited the office but the rain was pouring. The boy looked up, watching the rain fall on him, dropping on his face, soaking his whole body with coldness. His phone started to ring and looked at his caller ID; it was Ging.

"Ging."

"_Gon, I have some things to talk to you about._"

"About what?"

"_It's about you and Kite_."

The boy raised his eyebrows.

"_I want you to see Kite and see if you can train yourself to see your aura again._"

"You told me…" he started quietly. "To find out what I want to do now that I've revoked myself to become a normal person…"

Ging quietly listened on the other end of the line.

"Ging… I—don't want to gain my power and lose someone important to me again."

Heavy breath was heard. "_Gon. What's the rule when you apologize to someone?_"

Gon remembers; "Apologize and promise you'll do things differently."

"_Atari. Don't ever say you don't want to lose someone important. We might not be with them physically, but we never truly lose them. If they were meant to be in your life, they're bound to come back sooner or later_."

"You don't think I'm going to mess up?"

His father laughed. "_You're my son. Even though I'm less of a father figure, I believe in you. When I look at you or hear of you… I'm reminded of what I used to be like. I know you enough to say that if you do mess up, you'll find a way to fix it. That's what a true friend is._"

"Thank you…" Gon was tearing up. The rain flowed with his tears.

"_So will you train with Kite and fix yourself?_"

"Yeah. I will."

* * *

_Gon was driving a black car… heading towards somewhere. He was more concerned with the weather than his surroundings then his phone rang. _

"_Hello?" _

_Whoever that was, and whatever they said, it shocked Gon. His brown eyes widened in fear. Now panicking, Gon spun the steering wheel, trying to turn away from his destination, back to where he came from._

_But on his way back, another car was approaching him. In the background; a man with red hair and another with long black ones stood, watching the whole thing. The black haired guy had a sinister smile on his face. _

"_My fruit has ripened," the man with red hair, claimed, licking his lips._

_The man with long black hair stood quietly, unresponsive to his ally. He clenched his fists however, purple aura coming out of him. There was hatred and jealousy coming out of him and he took out a needle from his ear. _'You're not getting anywhere near him, you already stole my brother.'

_The woman that drove the car approaching Gon was controlled, steering the wheel uncontrollably as the two cars crashed in front of their eyes. Gon's car flipped, sliding down to the other highway below the valley._

* * *

"Kurapika-nee-chan?" A little girl with long white hair called out to the nurse.

The blond turned around with a clipboard on his left arm. Walking around for two hours straight has helped Kurapika grow comfortable with the tightened skirt that Leorio requested for him to wear. "Yes?"

"Where did Gon-chan go?"

"Ah…" he looked around looking for the boy then out the window. "He's probably outside. Don't worry Clararu."

The little girl's purple eyes darkened, hypnotized while she reached for the nurse that was in front of her. "Gon-chan is…"

Kurapika's eyes widened.

"Gon-chan…is going to die."

The nurse dropped his clipboard and ran towards the head nurse. "Please take over my spot!"

Leorio was walking out from one of the rooms. "What's wrong Kurapika?"

With Kurapika's fast peripheral sight, he pulls his boyfriend's arm to get him running.

"Gon is… Gon is in trouble!"

They were running towards the parking lot, but when they got to their designated spot, the car was Gon. Leorio was already scramming for his phone and dialed Gon's phone number.

"He's not answering!"

Kurapika gasped. "We have to run it."

"W-What?"

"We've done it before, the first phase. We ran all the way, we could find him."

Leorio's phone rang abruptly. "Hello?" The man froze.

"Gon… Gon used my car… He's in the valley!"

* * *

Hisoka pouted at Illumi, hiding his anger. _This guy is really something…_ "There goes the car; mind explaining why you did that?"

Illumi closed his eyes and began walking away. "I simply made sure that everything stays mine and only mine."

The jester's eyes narrowed at the sight of Gon's car falling down the valley. A couple of cars stopped, people were chasing after him, trying to get him out just in case the car would explode.

"If Gon knew that Killua was around, this is exactly what Illumi thought was going to happen. He was right."

Gon was there, blood staining his green shirt and a stream of blood coming out from his forehead. He was unconscious, and the lady that was holding him was calling for an ambulance, telling him now and then to hang on. Help was coming.

But this boy was a normal boy. He could die a normal death like this. If Gon had his nen, this would be nothing. He would have dodged this accident.

Leorio and Kurapika came into the scene after ten minutes; Leorio broke down crying, running after his friend that was carried towards the ambulance. Kurapika looked away; clearly upset and regretful because he hadn't expected this to happen.

Blood… Leorio couldn't believe what he's seeing. He remembered when he was at the hospital, when Gon was vulnerable from his battle with Pitou. He remembered how helpless he was. Everything was falling back to place even though years has passed. Kurapika was here, and he was falling apart just as much as he was.

"Leorio…" Kurapika said, squeezing his hand. "I love you."

Tears fell down his face just like how the rain was falling down. Pain was streaming from his heart and emptiness was beginning to lead the way.

"I…" he sobbed. "I love you too… You're so wrong timing…"

The blond laughed quietly and kissed Leorio's lips. "He'll be alright. It's Gon we're talking about, let's believe in him."

* * *

When the two patiently waited for the doctors to come out of the emergency room. Holding their hands for hope and comfort. They didn't tell Morel or the rest of his friends; Ging was informed, but the faith he had in his son was just as strong as theirs was.

He told them what had happened and how it was probably his fault for trying to convince Gon to head to Kite's place to train his nen. One of the zodiac members found out that Ging's greatest weakness was Gon, and Gon was forced to retreat or else he could die. Ging wouldn't bring himself to live if he finds out his son was dead.

Neither Kurapika nor Leorio was angered enough to put him to blame.

They blamed the weather, and the sadness that Gon carried for years should have been lifted but they waited. If they told Gon the trouble that Killua went through for him, things would have been different.

A surgeon came out of the room and walked towards the couple. Leorio stood up, knowing that Kurapika was too worried to process any information that he's been told.

"He's alright now," the surgeon said, removing his mask. "He should be able to leave in a week or so. He lost a lot of blood and thought he had internal hemorrhage going on his brain, but he responded the way we expected him to. So this is good news."

"Can we go in to see him? His dad is busy."

The surgeon nodded and led the two in to Gon's recovery room. Monitors were beeping, nurses were checking his IV, and typing things on the computer to keep track of his life stability.

"It's just like that time when he fought the ants."

Kurapika looked at him. "Near to death though right?"

Leorio nodded and held Gon's hand. "But Killua healed him."

"This time is different."

Gon's fingers twitched on Leorio's grip. Their eyes widened.

"Gon!" they both said together.

The boy's hazel brown eyes opened hazily and looked at the two mysterious boys that were in front of him. At first, he looked at Kurapika and saw him as a white-haired boy with purple eyes. _Killua…_

His eyesight grew clear and spread out wide open. The illusion has disappeared, and the truth was in front of him.

Gon doesn't recognize either of them.

"…Who… Who are you?"


	5. The Worst

**Chapter 5 –****最悪の  
****The Worst**

* * *

"…_Who… Who are you?"_

Silence filled the hospital room and the two hunters gasped at Gon's reaction. What's worse; the fact that Gon doesn't know who they are, or the fact that Gon was depressed for years and completely AND possibly have forgotten all about it now? Not only will he not remember the things he went through, but he will not remember those who have been important to him as well. Kurapika and Leorio were cornered with worry. Leorio was more torn at what he saw. The brown eyes stared into his with pure sincerity. Gon didn't mean anything hurtful by his question.

Still... The feeling just sucks.

"You… You don't remember me?" Kurapika gasped from behind. "I—"

"I'm Leorio." The doctor cut his lover off as quickly as possible after he felt him shiver. "I'm your buddy, and you've been living with us for a while."

Kurapika watched in awe. How can Leorio, during this time of hour, manage to hold himself together and speak like nothing bad happened? Gon sat up slowly, stared at his own hands and tilted his head in confusion. "If you're my buddy, how come I don't remember you?"

"Ah, see… You got into a car accident just a while ago," he adjusted his glasses. "But don't worry, the doctors said you'll be discharged in a week or so. I'll have to ask them to run over some tests for your head though. Seems like you have an amnesia."

"I'm sorry…" Gon shook his head. "I'm so, _so_ sorry. I don't remember you."

He turned to Kurapika, "and it looks like not remembering is hurting you so much. Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

The specialist shook his head and smiled lightly to assure the boy that he's not as hurt. "Don't worry Gon, if you're fine, then we're fine. I'm Kurapika."

Gon hesitated at first but he closed his eyes and smiled widely. "Kurapika—that's a nice name. I'm glad that I have a friend like you!"

Surprised by Gon's comment, Kurapika sat next to the boy and patted his head. "What makes you say I'm a good friend?"

"Because you're here," he said happily. "If you're here that must mean you really love me as a friend."

"I'm glad you understand how much Leorio and I care about you."

They studied Gon's movements as he looked around the room then touched his head. He flinched at the pain and tried his hardest to remember whatever he could but there seem to be no luck. With defeat, Gon sighed and scratched his head carefully, trying to prevent any unknown cuts to bleed. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember, but I seem to get more of a headache than a memory."

"Don't push yourself, Gon." Leorio patted the boy's head gently. "We'll help you remember. We'll find someone who can help you."

"Help…Me…" the black-haired boy said slowly. "Am I that sick?"

Leorio and Kurapika looked at each other, communicating through eye contact and nodded once they've come up to their conclusion. Kurapika who was already sitting next to Gon closed his eyes while Leorio moved away, sitting next to the sofa in front of Gon. "You were depressed and lovesick. We're not entirely sure if you were triggered to forget because of it."

"L-Lovesick? What makes you think that?" Gon was surprised.

"Before you got into an accident, you've been having a lot of nightmares about Killua. We're not sure if you remember him, but you were hiding it from us. Please don't hide anything from us now, we're all that you have that could help and support you into regaining your memories." Kurapika pleaded quietly. "We want you to be happy."

"I'm happy right now, really I am!" Gon insisted. He then raised his eyebrows. "But who's Killua?"

The monitor beeping was all that was heard for the rest of the night.

* * *

Killua was playing video games while Alluka baked. The snow-haired boy stared at the screen with a blank face as he thought about the times when he played Green Island with Gon and how much fun it was. Training with Bisky was challenging but meeting other people was fun as well. Being able to explore the world with people you love with no restriction feels great. He blinked, suddenly surprised at what he thought then paused his game. Did he just admit that he loves Gon?

That was it. Years have passed and he's been avoiding what he feels. He knew whom his heart was practically yearning for and he was ignoring it all along. Killua needs to do something; he needed to be with Gon. He knew that things needed to go back to how it used to be. Unfortunately, he didn't know how late he already was when his phone began to ring.

"Onii-chan! Your phone is ringing!" Alluka called from the kitchen.

Killua stood up, dragging himself across the hall to grab his phone. Who could be calling around this time? Maybe it was Gon. He grew excited.

"Hello?"

'…_Killua._' Kurapika's voice was hoarse and quiet. It sounded like he was troubled.

"What's wrong?"

'_It's Gon. He got into an accident earlier—'_

Kurapika explained everything on the other line and Killua's whole body began to shake. Gon doesn't remember anybody, doesn't remember anything.

Alluka walked in the room to see what was happening. She walked closer to her older brother and she listened to the conversation on the other line. Her concern grew as she heard things like "memory loss," and "Gon doesn't remember any of us. Not even Ging.' The sight of her brother was the worst—his eyes were wide in shock, regret, and pain. Regret because things could have been prevented if things happened differently. It's been going around, why couldn't he have done something sooner?

"Onii-chan?" she whispered quietly.

When the line ended, Killua placed his phone on the table then covered his face with both of his hands. He didn't know what to feel, he was angry at himself. Angry because he knew that Gon without _nen_ is completely helpless just like his sister was. It was just like before when he fought with everyone else for the Chimera Ants. But he looked up, remembering the favor that Alluka did for him. Maybe Alluka can do it again.

"Alluka… can you do me a favor?

* * *

When Killua and Alluka entered the hospital, patients, nurses, and doctors stopped in their tracks and watched as the two siblings walked down the whole with their aura overwhelming them. Killua's anger couldn't be contained, he'd come to conclusion that he could never forgive himself for letting his happen to Gon twice, all because he was too much of a coward to apologize to him and move on together.

Alluka squeezed her brother's hand. "You know I can take care of myself now, right?"

Killua stared at his sister and nodded. To his eyes, Alluka was still the little sister he took care of since they were small. He had continued to see her as a defenseless child whom everyone still wanted to hurt, but that's not true. He trained Alluka to use her powers not only for others and for his commands, but to also use it against someone who's trying to harm her. "I just don't want to leave you alone. I promised I'll always protect you."

"Some promises are meant to be broken," she said not looking right into his eyes. " And right now, I know that Gon probably needs you."

"I know—"

"No, you don't Onii-chan," the black-haired girl turned to her brother, "if you knew, you wouldn't have taken this long to make things up to him. At a very terrible time too…"

There were tears in his eyes but he held it back. He's been anticipating his return but he didn't expect it to be so tragic. He wanted to be able to apologize for everything, for being so weak and not being able to hold him back from the things that were risky and dangerous. He wanted to hear Gon apologize sincerely, more than to what he said the day before they parted. Their exchanges of emails were something to keep each other updated but not for anything serious and deep. If that ever was the case it needed to be face to face. He wanted to hold his best friend close to him.

But not now that Gon doesn't remember he even existed.

Hesitantly, Killua reached for the door and knocked. Inside, Kurapika and Leorio were talking to Gon who had a dumbfounded expression on his face, probably trying his hardest to process all the information they were telling him. Alluka, knowing how afraid her brother was, squeezed his hands one more time and smiled at him. "We'll help him get his memories back, won't we?"

He nodded as Kurapika walked towards the door to open it for them. "Yeah… I hope so."

"I didn't think you'd come," the specialist said when he opened the door.

"I didn't think I'd come either," the ex-assassin admitted while he walked in with Alluka.

"Killua!" Gon sprang up with a huge smile on his face. "Kurapika and Leorio-san told me things about you!"

"Gon, you make me feel old," the Doctor, scratched his head in embarrassment. "I told you just call me Leorio."

The boy sweat dropped and scratched his head, "sorry; I keep forgetting."

Gon then turned to look at the Zoldyck siblings who hand in hand watched and studied the patient. He truly doesn't remember anything; he doesn't recall any memories despite how Killua looks exactly the same. Just an older version of himself with black baggy pants instead of the shorts he used to wear. His almost purple eyes lightening up to dark blue, considering his maturity.

Killua also studied the changes in Gon. His hair was shorter now—his hair still green at the edges (reference to Gon's hair when he was just a child with Ging, if you know how Ging looks like back when he was young, Gon has the same hairstyle that his dad has now), his eyes was hazy brown, but his physical built was strong and masculine. Back when they fought the Ants, Gon's older version was much larger than he was now. _He changed_, Killua thought as he looked at the boy's eye bags.

"Killua…" he said quietly. "Killua… you're my best friend."

His heart skipped a beat. Even after all this years, the title they have on each other has been the same. Gon still saw him as his best friend. The tears he's been holding back finally fell down.

Killua dropped to his knees, releasing his hold on Alluka and held Gon's with both hands, crying quietly. _This is my entire fault_.

"You're gonna be okay, Gon."

"Course I am! I look fine right now see?" He grinned and nudged his best friend. "I'm even more happy that you came here to visit me. They told me that you've been travelling with Alluka. So I thought maybe you wouldn't be able to come"

"We weren't exactly far from where this hospital is," Killua replied. "I had to come see you."

Alluka leaned closer to the boy, her eyes transforming into Nanika and reached for the other hand that her brother didn't hold. "Gon… hug me."

The Freecss boy did so. Killua's eyes widened. "Nanika, don't say anything dangerous."

"'Kay," Nanika smiled and obediently followed.

"Gon, Gon… give me a strand of your hair."

Gon tilted his head in confusion, not entirely sure or following where this is going but he looked at Killua who nodded and pulled a strand of his hair. "Now, kiss me."

Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika's nearly choked at the blunt request but Gon didn't seem to be surprised. With the weird requests this person has been making, why should he be surprised now for requesting a gesture such as a kiss? Instead of agreeing to her request, the boy stared dumbly. "Where do I kiss you?"

Nanika's smile grew wider. "My forehead."

For some unknown reason, Killua felt more comfortable with the kiss' location. He watched as Gon leaned towards his sister and pressed his lips on her forehead.

"Nanika, get his memory back."

"'Kay."

Nanika moved her hands towards Gon's head and closed her eyes, focusing all of her energy to the command as light brightly shun from her hand. Her mind was empty, her whole body merely focusing on the command that was given but started to struggle half way when a flash of memory processed in her mind. A sweat slid down the edge of her cheek.

It was a part Gon's memory.

* * *

**逆火: Flashback**

It was a typical, sunny day at Whale Island. Mito hanging the laundry while Gon's great-grandmother slept on a rocking chair with a fan aiming only straight at her. It was really hot. With the sound of the door shut and the rustling of keys and chains, Mito turned to have a look at whoever was approaching her.

"Mito-san…" A 15-year old Gon approached his auntie with a bag on his hand. The woman who he had looked up to as a mother smiled sadly and nodded, understanding what her nephew feels without any explanation.

"You take care of yourself, alright? You're a big boy now. Even though I told you to stay with me, I know that wouldn't be what you want."

He smiled slightly at his auntie and looked at the palm of his hand. His smile grew sad, closing his hands and making a fist. "Mito-san…?"

She dropped her laundry basket to give her full attention to Gon. "Is something bothering you, dear?"

"Mmm…" he hesitated. "I want to gain my abilities back, but I don't know how. Ah—gomen, I shouldn't even be asking you about it since you don't have an idea…"

Mito chuckled lightly. "Gon, all of us have more than one path but we have one destination. Not all of us know where that is yet."

"How would I know where my destination would be?"

His auntie turned around, grabbing a piece of clothing and a bunch of clips to hang it up. She thought of what to say as she moved around. "You'll know when you get to a path," she started. "There will be a time when you will feel like you're walking a path alone and many of us will get there at one point. We have to believe in ourselves and find our resolution… to push ourselves to get to where we want to be. It's always good to go with the flow."

She reached for another piece from the basket. "Do you remember the song I used to sing to you back when you were young?"

Gon nodded and sat on the grass. He looked up and waited patiently for her to sing.

The wind came to life and the sun's strength weakened as Mito breathed in air to her lungs.

"_In my dreams, I'm walking alone;  
searching a place to call home.  
Instantly, a shadow is pushing through…  
Stealing all of my innocence," _Gon closed his eyes, took out his bag and laid it on a side and slowly lay down to listen.

"_Do you know, the way to your heart?  
I must find my missing piece.  
Instantly an arrow directs my love;  
far away from where you once stood._"

Memories of Killua started to flash through Gon's mind. As he listened to his auntie's lullaby, his tears streamed down his face while the wind gave the wet spot a cold sensation. He remembered the first time they met, during the first phase of the hunter exam, and how Killua casually skated while the rest ran for their life, hoping that the end of the endurance test was near.

_Are you siding with him? Leorio cried as he continued to run, feeling betrayed by his new-formed friend. _

Gon smiled sadly, remembering how he called for a challenge; how simple and broad-minded the two of them were. Whoever won would be treated out for lunch and the two of them finished on time.

"_In my dreams, the stars do not shine.  
Listen to the sadness inside.  
I will pray for answers that will not come;  
I must push to win this alone…_"

The rejection to continue on their adventures together, the separation that caused emptiness that he didn't realize until now, the selfishness that he had all along; Gon knew how terrible of a person he was towards his best friend. How will he find him again? It's been two years since they last saw each other. Killua seemed so happy with Alluka, he couldn't tell him how much he's been yearning to see him again. He wanted to travel together instead of staying home and doing a bunch of homework. Finding his dad was finally accomplished, and he knew how much his dad cares for him even though he could be a jerk.

But he new he was going to be trouble. Protecting Alluka was one thing, protecting Gon and his heart was another.

Gon broke down crying, he put his arm over his face to cover his tears, but his auntie knew. She had always known. There was nothing he can do to hide it; not from someone who raised him. Mito held her nephew into her arms, slowly cradling him as he cried on her chest. Her beating heart was comforting enough and the warmth calmed him down, but the pain was still there. The regret was still there. He wrapped his arms around her waist, deciding to cry it all out—hoping that it would be the last time he would be hurt. His defenses have crumbled down, he was desperate for nothing; no one was waiting for him.

"Mito-san… I want to forget… everything…"

The boy began to glow, green aura started to flow around him and neither Mito nor him even noticed.

**逆火の終わり: End of Flashback**

* * *

Nanika was pushed back to the ground by a strong wave of nen. Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika who was in shock, ran towards the girl who was trying to pick herself up. Nanika, who now went back to Alluka, cried. Feeling the immense pain that Gon was going through, she ran back towards him and hugged him as tight as she could.

"You've been hurting… You've been hurting all this time!" She cried.

Gon's eyes were closed, his nen was flowing within him and it was clear to the rest of the gang. Kurapika who decided to take a step forward, gently patted Alluka's head to soothe her crying. She looked up, her eyes sparkling from the tears, and then cried on Kurapika while Leorio shook Gon awake.

"Hey, Gon. Wake up."

Killua, who was on the other side of the bed, analyzed everything. Was his command successful like the last time and brought Gon's memories back? Has Nanika, even though he told her never to fulfill any of his commands ever again, have completed the task? But with Alluka crying from pure heart brokenness, something was wrong. Gon still didn't seem like himself, and the aura that was flowing from him has a completely different feeling of power.

Gon opened his eyes and stared at Killua, then looked at Leorio.

"I don't…" Killua started slowly, trying not to break their hopes. "…think it worked."

Kurapika could think clearer now. He sat down on the couch with Alluka and asked what she saw. "Gon wanted to… forget everything."

_Did Gon's nen lock his memories away?_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Decided to change the rating to M because I'm planning on putting a lemon… After a couple of chapters… or several… LOL IUNOOOO. I WANT A HAPPY ENDING TOO OKAY. WAH. THIS WILL END GOOD. I PROMISE. OMFG. I JUST- CRIES TO SELF. I'm really sorry that my story is _most likely_ gonna get longer from now on. T_T"  
**Killua:** Clara doesn't own Hunter x Hunter. The song that Mito-san sang doesn't belong to her either.  
**Author:** OH! You're right. Thanks KIL!  
**Killua:** Don't call me that! –smacks-  
**Author: **x_x uwooh… sorri… The song that Mito-san sang is called "Songs of the Ancients" from the video game NieR! If you want to know, I'm an absolute fan of the game. That's actually where my title came from. But because this whole story is about Gon regaining his memories… I changed it to Past. But yeah. THANKS FOR READING GUYS! :D Please leave reviews (even if you're anonymous) it's very much appreciated.


	6. Habits

**Chapter 6 -****習慣****  
Habits**

* * *

Alluka's powers didn't work on Gon, but it didn't seem to have given a negative effect on him. Killua on the other hand, was terrified. He began overthinking things and his eyes narrowed. Alluka noticed this after she calmed down from crying and tugged on the edge of her brother's shirt to shake her head. "It's not worth getting upset about."

This was Gon they're talking about! How can anybody not get upset?

Alluka was surprised at first, but now got an understanding of why she had a glimpse of that memory. She may not be knowledgeable enough to come up with this conclusion, but it could be a possibility. As she watched her brother clench his fists then releasing it, she stood up and stared at Gon.

The young man blinked as the Zoldyck child sat on his bed and touched his forehead. "You can make covenants can you?"

Not exactly knowing what she's talking about, he nodded hesitantly. "I think so? I'm not sure what I'm capable of doing right now since… you know…"

She nodded in agreement as she turned towards his friends. "I can see it; his aura. He got his nen back."

Leorio groaned and slumped himself on the couch, "what's the point of getting his nen back if he doesn't have a clue how to use it? It's like bringing him back to the day when he received training from one of the nen masters. He's clueless!"

"I don't think he's completely clueless," she said softly, not telling them the vision she saw. "I think there's some things he remember… Some people…"

Killua, for the first time, isn't sure what his sister is talking about.

"Gon-kun, do you remember Mito-san?" Alluka asked curiously.

Gon blinked once more and nodded, "Yeah, she's my mother!"

"Do you remember anyone else? Your father, grandmother… anybody that comes into mind?"

As Gon closes his eyes, he crossed his arms to his chest and thought for what seemed like a long time. Five minutes later, his hazelnut eyes opened and looked back at Alluka whose eyes gleamed with him. He felt bad for a moment at how empty his mind was, but something rang a bell.

"I don't remember anybody else, but Mito-san really made me happy," he started explaining as he pointed with his finger. "I remember when I was small, there were small things I get butt-hurt over about. I would cry to Mito-san and she told me that whatever hurts me; I could forget about it if I let it happen, so I guess my mind subconsciously forgets. It's practically on autopilot mode."

Ah, there was the answer.

"It's possible then that Gon locked his memories away without any self awareness," Kurapika thought out loud while the rest nodded.

"So what now? If Nanika's power didn't work, what else can we do to bring his memories back?" Leorio asked.

Killua thought of the most obvious one; "we could always bring him around to places he's been to… maybe it could trigger something."

Then the ex-assassin turned to his sister. "But I'll need to take Alluka come first, it's too dangerous. My parents can protect her while I'm helping Gon out."

"Are you sure about that Killua?" Gon asked with a worried look, "you've been traveling to places with her and to suddenly stop because this happened to me—"

"Don't worry!" Alluka interrupted, smiling wide. "We've been in town for a while; actually onii-chan has been spy—"

"OKAAAAAAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Killua screamed, laughing nervously and patting his sister's innocent little head. "Anyway… I'll be back."

Gon got out of the covers and stood up, removing the catheters and IV that was attached to him. "Where are you going?"

Killua who was walking out of the room, looked back at his best friend. "I'm going home, don't worry, Gon. I'll be back."

"Eh…" was the reply that came out of Gon's mouth. "Actually… can I tag along?"

Kurapika and Leorio gaped at the sudden suggestion. "Gon!" Kurapika warned, "You need to recover before you get out of the hospital. We can't risk you bleeding—"

"I'll be fine!" Gon grinned. "I mean if you guys are that worried, why don't you guys just tag along?"

The couple silently stared at the boy then Kurapika sighed. "You need to get your head checked first."

Gon whined, "that's going to take so long!"

Leorio rubbed his chin and snapped his fingers. "I can make it work tonight… Killua, you stay here for a bit. We're coming with you. Gon! Let's go to the CAT Scan room!"

The young Freecss groaned as he stumbled his walk out the door and down the hall.

Kurapika then turned to Killua who sat down on the couch, quietly and patiently waiting. "So what's Alluka saying about you guys being in town for awhile? Why didn't you tell us?"

The snow head's eyes widened and blushed in embarrassment as though he was caught off-guard, "Ah… err… well, Alluka got homesick so we wanted to come back home early."

That was a lie, Kurapika could detect it and he already knew he's been back to begin with. "I saw you at the restaurant yesterday morning."

Killua who was on the verge of relaxing and leaning his hand against the couch's arm almost choked on the air he was breathing in. "What makes you think I was at a restaurant yesterday morning?"

Knowing that Killua wouldn't admit the truth, Kurapika then turned to Alluka. She was playing with her fingers with a huge smile.

"Alluka~"

"Yes?" she stopped and looked up cutely.

"Say…Did your big brother get you a balloon like he said he would?"

"NO!" Her lips formed into a pout. "It started to rain so the person selling the balloon left as soon as he could. We had to head back to the hotel!"

With a smirk, Kurapika crossed his arms and faced Killua; the ex-assassin gulped because he was unprepared for an interrogation that he feels is coming his way.

* * *

Leorio and Gon walked back in to the room a few hours later. Alluka was sound asleep on Kurapika's lap and Killua was standing upside down against the wall, waiting like he was the moment they left. Gon walked towards Killua and stared at him for a long time.

Killua, feeling awkward being stared at, got out of his upside down position and stood straight, looking back into Gon's eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, blinking.

Gon shook his head then rubbed his supposedly best friend's hair, "Nothing, I just feel like doing this. Killua's hair is really soft!"

Blushing furiously, Killua backed away and covered his face to hide the redness that's creeping up all the way to his forehead. "W-What? How can you be so blunt!"

There were plenty of things that stayed the same about Gon despite his loss of memory. His personality was still the same, but his knowledge is just as naïve of a child just like Alluka's. Before the Zoldyck siblings came to the hospital room, Kurapika and Leorio were talking to Gon about how he usually was like and figured that it sounds like him. He decided to act normal to make the situation less depressing.

Gon was still staring right into Killua's blue eyes then suddenly, he walked closer, closing the gap that's keeping the space between the two of them then wrapped his arms around the other boy's neck. Alluka, Leorio, and Kurapika's mouth opened at the sudden intimacy that was done.

Killua was just as surprised as well, he didn't know how else to respond and Gon's scent reminded him of the old days. He closed his eyes, smiled slightly, and wrapped his arms around Gon's waist, burying his head against his shoulders. "You're so warm…" he murmured.

"So, can I come with you?" Gon asked happily, not releasing Killua from his hug.

"Mmm… I guess you can come…" Killua trailed off then looked at Leorio who was making a sheepish smile. "What the fuck Leorio!"

"Hehe… nothing… Kurapika just told me some things…" He sang. "We got the results from Gon's CAT Scan, his head's fine. It's really just his nen locking his memories away… Probably."

"Probably." Killua doesn't sound amused by that conclusion.

When Gon pulled away, Killua felt himself tense from the empty feeling. There was something he wanted to do but he couldn't figure out what exactly that was. He watched the boy talk to Kurapika, asking for spare clothes and walked right into the bathroom to get ready and head out. Kurapika went out to process his papers and Leorio talked to the doctors to note on what they need to stay in watch for while traveling with Gon. Alluka was still snoozing her life away and Killua breathed at the sight of his friends. It's good to be back again.

Gon comes out of the bathroom and Killua pictures him as the 12-year old boy that he saw the first time they met but suddenly shakes his head to disregard his thoughts. Gon wore green baggy pants and a green tank; green seems to be his fashion color. Killua's eyes traveled from top to bottom, my how Gon transformed. He's stunning and handsome now that he's matured—

Wait, did Killua just think he's hot?

Another blush crept up his cheeks. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ The middle Zoldyck asked himself.

"Ne, Killua…" Gon murmured. "Where exactly do you live?"

"Kukuroo Mountain," Killua answered flatly. "The first time you went there you… came to save me." His voice became soft.

Gon grinned and scooted closer to Killua. "Is that so? You must mean a lot to me then!"

Killua scoffed but cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment. "O-Of course I am! I'm special!"

The atmosphere from when Killua first entered Gon's room was different compared to how it was now. There was love in the room, there was forgiveness, and there was peace in their hearts.

If only Gon could get his memory back so Killua can properly apologize for everything.

Kurapika and Leorio came back; Leorio had his usual suitcase and Kurapika brought a messenger bag along with him.

"We're not just staying in one place," Kurapika said. It wasn't a command. It was true and anticipated; recollecting Gon's memory could be struggle and they'll have to travel far back to get to where they want to be.

Everyone nodded and Killua walked towards his sleeping princess of a sister. He smiled slightly, rubbing her black hair and patting her cheek awake.

"Alluka, wake up. It's time to go home."

* * *

As the years passed by, Killua's parent hasn't been on his leash. Being free from Illumi's control was the best thing that has ever happened to him; his dad favors him much more than he used to and whenever he needed help, his father would oblige. His mother's rather fond of him since he was born but ever since she witnessed the whole apologizing moment with Alluka at the hospital when she healed Gon, she learned to accept this girl as her own child. Finally.

Some things haven't changed. Milluki was still a computer geek; Illumi was still off planning devious plots, Kalluto's with the Phantom Troupe—nothing big.

Illumi hasn't kept in touch with his family for almost three years though, his parents didn't seem to care, but Killua and Alluka on the other hand had to travel around the world with caution just in case Illumi decides to go against his word.

The five of them arrived at Kukuroo Mountain the next day. Zebro who was still there to guard the Testing Gate came out of his post to greet everyone.

Gon looked at him. "You look familiar… Mmm…"

Killua then manages to put Zebro on a side, explaining to him what had happened to the young Freecss man and what their plan was. Sad and unfortunate to hear of such news, Zebro turned to Gon and bowed.

"Gon-sama, I'm extremely sorry for what happened to you," he said quietly. "But I'm very glad to see that you're alright. I'm Zebro, I guard the Testing Gate for Killua-sama's family."

Gon's mouth hung open in surprise. "K-Killua!"

The snow head raised his brows. "What is it?"

"You're rich!"

A vein popped on his forehead and his left brow twitched. "Yeah… Yeah… I guess I am."

"So how do we get in?"

Killua looked at Gon, "we go through this gate."

"Isn't that heavy?" Leorio exclaimed. "When we first came here, we struggled for twenty days trying to open that damn thing!"

"It wasn't a good experience either Killua," Kurapika noted. "Our bodies were sore. It was all for you. Gon insisted."

Gon pointed to himself, "I insisted?"

Kurapika walked towards Zebro and nodded. "Gon failed the Hunter Exam because of his brother but when you found out what really happened, you were really persistent with getting him back."

Leorio scratched his head, agreeing with Kurapika. "You wanted to prove that you were Killua's friend, that's all."

Zebro flashed his heavy muscles to open the first door for them. Killua stopped him before he used his strength, "Zebro, I know you're aging. Save your strength for the rest of the family members."

"Young Killua, please let me do this. In respect to Gon-sama's situation."

Killua shook his head and stepped forward, "I'll do it."

"How heavy is that door anyway?" Gon asked, appearing behind Killua all of a sudden.

"Shit, Gon! You scared me!"

"Hehe… Sorry." He stuck out his tongue.

"Anyway…" he said, cracking his knuckles. "It's about two tons? Zebro, if you want to help, you can help us on the last two doors."

With a nod, Killua flexed his muscles and pressed the palm of his two hands against the door. The young ex-assassin then closed his eyes, focus his energy on his hands then pushed the door open in a second.

The rest of the gang except Alluka opened their mouth in amusement; Gon clapped and whistled while Alluka leaped towards her brother and kissed his cheek.

A flick of jealousy suddenly hit Gon. He blinked to himself in surprise and touched his own chest. _What was that just now?_ He asked himself. Whatever he felt just now gave him a flow range of multiple emotions that he couldn't quite understand. His eyes darted away from the two siblings and attempted to distract the thoughts that were running through his mind.

Funny thing was, Kurapika witnessed Gon's sudden change of emotion.

* * *

As they walked through the mountains, Gon was still trying to understand the wave of thoughts that hit him a while ago. Killua was holding Alluka's hand protectively just incase their watch dog comes to attack them plus he got used to holding her hands whenever they're next to each other. Jealousy was hitting Gon at the edge of the wall and a familiar feeling that he once felt struck him.

_What's this?_ Gon asked himself once more. _My chest hurts all of a sudden…_ He began to clutch on his chest.

Kurapika landed his hand on the Gon's shoulder, seeing him tremble like that time Gon was experiencing his nightmares. "You alright?"

"Yeah… I think," Gon said quietly. "I'm just confused, that's all."

With a slight smile, Kurapika nudged and patted Gon on the head. "You'll find out soon enough."

"Killua…" The young Freecss mumbled quietly.

Alluka stopped on her tracks to turn and Killua turned at the same time to look. "Yeah?"

They were still holding hands.

Gon looked away, trying not to look or accept this ugly feeling that's knocking on his chest. "I was just wondering how long it'd take to get to your house."

Killua eyed the other one suspiciously when he noticed that Gon wasn't looking at him straight in the eye. He eyes Kurapika, who was pointing towards the gesture that he and his sister was doing and understood completely what was going on. Alluka understood as well, not feeling angry or upset having to let go of her brother's protective hold, but she was more guilty of making Gon feel any less of a value that he already thinks Killua has for him. Deep inside, she's rooting for Gon. She just wants her brother happy.

Leorio's been phasing out of the whole situation. When he looked at his boyfriend, Kurapika was stabbing him with his glares then began walking ahead with Gon, who was trying to speed up ahead so that he wouldn't see the two siblings holding hands.

Killua and Alluka smiled at each other and released their hands. "Gon!"

Gon turned around grimly. "What?" He was trying to sound normal but his low voice gave it away. Killua chuckled and transported next to him.

"What's the hurry?" he asked, walking side by side with his best friend.

"I'm not in a hurry!" Gon cried, pouting. "I just want to get to your house so that I can remember something."

"Is that so?" Killua hummed with a smirk on his face. "In that case…"

He slipped his hands on Gon's. Gon's face flushed pink for a moment but shook his head to hide his heated cheeks.

"What are you doing!?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Killua squeezed Gon's hand.

"Y-You can let go you know…"

Killua shrugged and pulled the other boy closer. He wasn't exactly sure how to express his feelings and he knows that now wasn't the right time to say it, so he bit his tongue and tightened his grip. Gon looked forward, trying not to show the fact that he was quite ashamed of this sudden intimacy.

"I haven't seen you in a while Gon, let me hold on to you like this just until we get to my house."

The two boys held on to each other's hand happily.

The two boys were hoping that the other won't hear how hard their hearts were pounding.


	7. I Remember

**Author's Note**: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, I've been going through midterm papers, projects, and exams. It's pretty short, but enjoy the chapter! This is the beginning of Gon's recollection of memories.

**Chapter 7 -****私が覚えている****  
I Remember**

* * *

The two boys blushed furiously as they hear Leorio laughing hysterically in the background. Kurapika continued to give him eye-stabbing glares that seemed to be completely immune to his lover. But even though the two boys were pure red in embarrassment, the grip they had on each other's hands were still pressed against each other's.

"Ne, Killua…" Gon started, trying to break the silence.

"What?" he replied, turning to face his best friend.

"When you went to travel with Alluka, where did you guys go?"

That surprised Killua, in a way where he thought that Gon would have forgotten that he left on an expedition with his little sister. Gon obviously remembered, despite how he lost his memories. He knew that he had to keep in mind stories that Kurapika and Leorio proposed about because they were best friends. Realizing how much Gon has not change by personality gave Killua a wave of relief. At least he hasn't lost the boy like he thought he did over time.

But how does he answer that question? The two siblings didn't necessarily go to a lot of places.

Killua bit his lip.

"We didn't go very far," Killua honestly answered, "I started feeling homesick, so I asked Alluka if we could head back to Japan as soon as possible."

What he said wasn't entirely a lie. A few years back, Killua began to give in when his feelings for Gon started to grow. The distance made it worse, and thinking of Gon and fixing things made him indecisive. Alluka was kind enough to say yes and head back to Japan and Killua has been watching Gon for a few years already, making like he was still far away from all the webcam sessions he had with Alluka.

The group eventually came to a stop when they reached Killua's household. Canary was patiently waiting at the front door with the rest of the butlers that were expecting their masters' return. Killua smiled, Alluka did so as well as the rest of the group except for Gon who smiled in sympathy because he doesn't recall any of their faces.

Canary seemed pleased at the sight of Killua holding hands with Gon. "Welcome back Killua-sama, Alluka-sama."

"Thanks Canary," the Zoldyck siblings replied with a cheesy grin.

"So is there a reason why you decided to come back? Sooner than expected too…" Canary blinked curiously, referring to the two boys that were holding hands.

Killua blushed once more, "there's something I need to talk to you about privately."

The butler raised her brows and bowed, "seems like it will be a long story. Please come in masters, make yourselves feel at home."

* * *

The group separated to their designated rooms; Kurapika and Leorio were in one of the guest rooms, Gon was in Killua's room to play some video games, and Alluka was sent to her new room to meet their parents. Killua on the other hand, headed to the kitchen to talk to Canary and help her prepare snacks for the visitors of their household.

Canary didn't budge while she sliced the sandwiches, "so Killua-sama, what was it that you had to talk to me about?"

The young master looked as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. "It's about Gon."

"Ah~" she smiled. "It seems like you two are getting along well. Did you get the chance to tell him about your feelings?"

He sighed, "unfortunately there was a series of events that stopped me from confessing. He got into an accident."

The butler stopped slicing their food and immediately turned her head, becoming serious and concerned. "Why is Gon-sama here? Shouldn't he be recovering in a hospital? When did this all happen? Killua-sama…"

"Don't worry, don't worry; I'll answer your questions," he scratched his head, not knowing where exactly to begin. "He got in a car accident a few days ago. You know him already, he has a strong physical body, so recovering wasn't much of a problem to him. His memories on the other hand, are a different story. Sit, Canary. It's going to be a long story."

She obediently followed her master to the dining room where Killua updated on her on the situation.

Canary was dumbfounded and awestruck. "I can't believe that happened to Gon-sama. He doesn't deserve any of those things to happen."

Killua bit his lip then buried his face after crossing his arms against the dining table. "If I showed up earlier, maybe he wouldn't have gotten hurt. I couldn't protect him again…"

Her face softened as she patted her young master's head. "Killua-sama?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not your fault."

He looked away, trying to hide the accumulating tears on his eyes. "It is, you know it. I've been so indecisive about seeing him and telling him the truth and look what happened. I'm such a weakling."

Canary looked up as she thought of the right words to say to avoid hurting her master even further. "You're not a weakling. If you were a weakling, you wouldn't have had the strength to see him, or even ask Alluka to get his memories back. I'd say it took a great deal of courage to put yourself together and staying strong for Gon-sama." She smiled and stood up. "So my guess now is, you're here with everyone because you want Gon to have a recollection of his memories chronologically."

Killua slightly shook his head, "not really. If we were to go chronologically through places, it would be difficult because a huge portion has been forgotten and some of them didn't include Kurapika, Leorio, and I. Gon remembers Mito-san though. That's a good thing, I suppose."

The butler made her way to the kitchen door and held unto the knob. "Your parents seem to be getting along well with Alluka-sama. I don't know what you did, but you made it happen. Alluka is really part of the family now, and many of us are no longer afraid to face him."

"_Her_," Killua corrected with a small chuckle.

Canary chuckled in return and nodded. "Her! Of course, I have to finish my task in the kitchen. You should go catch up with Gon-sama."

The snow head looked up to the ceiling as though he was locating where Gon was. "Yeah… I should. See you in a bit Canary."

With a bow, the young master left without a noise.

When Killua got into his room, he found a sleeping Gon on the floor next to his bed with his head leaning on the edge of it. The controller seemed to almost fall down, but he caught it just in time to place it back to his television and carried the sleeping Freecss to his bed for comfort. _Wow, he's pretty light for his age…_ He thought as he placed Gon down slowly.

Gon stirred hazily, reaching out to the boy in front of him unconsciously and pulled him into an embrace as he slept with a smile on his face. Killua, who was surprised by the sudden action, blushed furiously once again as the arms that wrapped around him tightened, making it harder for him to break free from the sleeping boy.

"Killua…" Gon mumbled.

"W-What?"

"You… smell good."

The ex-assassin scoffed, turning his head and burying it against Gon's chest to hide his read face. He closed his eyes, clinging unto the boy's clothing and breathed in Gon's scent. A wave of sleepiness hit him and he smiled genuinely.

"Don't say embarrassing things like that… stupid…"

Before he knew it, he was sleeping; all snuggled up against his best friend was one of the things he wouldn't want to trade for anything in the world.

* * *

"Oh my, look at what we have here…" Leorio's astounded voice came from afar.

Gon heard his voice and the slightly heavy weight pressed against him got him curious and opened his eyes. His arm was wrapped around a sleeping Killua, who was still holding on to his shirt. The cute sight of Killua sleeping peacefully on him was such a picture perfect moment, even Kurapika, who took out his cellphone, took a shot of the two boys on the bed.

"Kurapika!" Gon gaped, "delete that photo, please!"

"No thanks," the blonde smiled. "I'll keep it as a souvenir."

"Do you guys usually do this?" The Freecss boy asked solemnly. "What if Killua finds it? He'll be upset!"

"He doesn't have to find it," Kurapika said smiling calmly and placing his phone back inside his pocket. "Let's just make this a secret between us."

Canary knocked on the opened door, "Leorio-sama, Kurapika-sama, please wake the two masters. It's time for dinner."

Killua moaned softly as he shifted, cuddling closer to Gon whose eyes widened a little in surprise. _Damn! Too cute…_ Gon pressed his lips on the snow head's forehead and smiled to himself but suddenly came to a half when he heard the two men clear their throats. "Enough cutesy stuff, you heard Canary," Leorio smiled sheepishly.

Kurapika and Leorio began walking out of the room but the blonde stopped before completely heading down the hall, "wake Killua up, will you? We have yet to retrieve a part of your memory."

The young man nodded and tried shaking his best friend awake. "Ne, Killua. Wake up!"

"Later, Gon…"

"Noooo, you have to wake up! It's time to eat!"

Killua groaned and tightened his grip around Gon's waist. "I'm too comfortable on my pillow, go away."

"U-Um… _I'm_ your pillow…"

Killua's eyes quickly opened and darted away after the nervous laugh came out of Gon's mouth. "GAH. I'M SORRY!"

"Don't worry about it," Gon chuckled, scratching his head nervously. "You seemed really cute when you were sleeping so I didn't want to wake you up earlier…"

"W-What… Don't splat nonsense!" Killua got sat up from the bed and turned his back on his best friend. "Anyway, let's go eat dinner."

Gon took the hint when Killua shoved his hands into his pockets, and chased after him.

* * *

After dinner, Kurapika and Leorio offered to help Canary clean up. Even though the butler refuses for her masters to help, they insisted and walked with her towards the kitchen to help her with the dishes. Killua and Gon watched Alluka as she finishes her dinner slowly, trying to savor the deliciousness that couldn't leave her mouth.

Eventually, the two boys who were having a decent conversation began shouting at each other, to the point where Killua stood up and began throwing tantrums. Alluka watched in amusement because Gon reacted the way the old Gon would have done, but her smile became sad when she knows that wasn't the case. This was Gon, an empty Gon, who was reacting through sympathy and blinded love that has been created through memories that his friends had of him.

Alluka stopped eating and placed her spoon on the side of her plate. Killua sensed her finishing, so he stopped bickering with her best friend and noticed the sad glow in her eyes.

"What's wrong, Alluka?"

She shook her head and smiled, "It's nothing, onii-chan."

Gon reached out to the young girl and studied her expression. "Are you thinking about the memory you saw of me?"

Alluka hesitated and closed her eyes then nodded. "I'm sorry… Gon-onii-chan… I said I was going to return Killua to you but it took years…"

"Return Killua to me?" Gon was confused. "If you're guilty of such a small thing, don't worry about it. Alluka, what matters it that Killua is here now… right?"

Much to her demise, Alluka looked up with her eyes wide open. Gon was so considerate, even though he went through all the trouble and the car accident. She didn't want to distance her brother from loving this boy any longer. Without her control, she became Nanika.

"Gon? Are you sad inside?" Nanika asks innocently.

"Me?" he replied, pointing at himself. Wondering if this was a test, he thought about it deeply before answering, "…mm, I think I'm alright."

"Can I hold you?"

Killua was watching in caution as Nanika receives a hug from Gon.

"I want to try and help you," Nanika said softly. "I want to be better than the last time."

"Nanika, please don't worry. You did your best; you should have no regrets."

Nanika was staring at Gon without any expression, but she was determined. "I want to help you remember. Please, close your eyes."

Everything was happening so fast that Killua couldn't even come up with the right words to say. He tried reaching out to his sister and his best friend.

"Nanika… what are you trying to d—"

He got cut off, "It's okay, Killua. I won't hurt him."

Placing all of his trust on the other side of his little sister, he sat down on a chair and witnessed the whole thing. Nanika reached over Gon's forehead and a ray of light came out of her hands the moment she touched Gon's flesh. Gon's nen began to flow out of him, but it felt different. Killua's eyes narrowed as a green aura began flowing around the young Freecss and Gon's hand subconsciously tightened but the expression plastered on his face was still normal.

A few minutes later, Nanika went back as Alluka and caught Gon in time before he crashed to the floor. Killua sprang up and helped the other two pick themselves up, especially Gon who was truly knocked out.

"What happened?"

"It's going to take a few hours," Alluka answered with a smile. "But he'll remember something, please watch over him."

Killua stumbled off and stood up, carrying Gon bridal style. Before he walked away, he turned to his little sister and asked, "How was mom and dad?"

Alluka was skipping to the opposite side of her brother but stopped in her tracks to turn and reply. "It was good! Mom cried and apologized; she said Nanika was welcome to the family too!"

"That's good," Killua replied with a smile. "I'm very happy to hear that, Alluka."

* * *

Gon slept through the rest of the night with Killua next to him. The ex-assassin couldn't sleep, wondering what part of his memory will return tonight and how Gon will change after remembering. It was a scary thought, to be honest, because there was some things that he wished Gon wouldn't remember. Like that time when Kite died for him, it practically destroyed a huge portion of Gon's life, and the biggest in Killua's. It was practically what lead to their separation. Killua didn't want that to be remembered.

The sound of the clock ticking was deafening, but it was only 1:14AM. It's been four hours since Nanika used her powers to bring a part of his memory back.

Anticipating the outcome was exciting; a part of Killua wanted things to go back to normal so that he could tell Gon the truth.

Sadly, we all know that it's going to take a while for that to happen.

The silence grew stronger and the moon shun brighter than ever. Killua put a blanket over Gon and himself and snuggled closer next to him.

He was about to give in and sleep, but Gon wrapped his arms around Killua and he looked up, wondering if it was just an action by sleep.

That wasn't the case.

"Killua... I'm happy when I'm with you," Gon whispered.

Killua blushed. Was Gon sleep talking? "W-What are you saying, stupid! Blurting nonsense again…"

"This Whale Island is for… fishermen… there's only a few real residents…so Killua… you're my best friend…"

His blue eyes widened, _could it be?! He's remembering!?_ Killua sat up and listened closely, talking back to the sleeping boy next to him.

"I was locked up here at home…" he started softly, "It seemed like forever…. But you're my first friend too."

It was as if Gon was talking to him. "Are you happy when you're with me Killua…?"

Killua looked at the boy with sparkling eyes and remembered how he replied the last time. "I guess so…"

And at that moment, Gon Freecss eyes opened his hazel blue eyes and stared straight into Killua's.

"So, let's go together!"

Killua Zoldyck's heart skipped a beat. _What's this… feeling_…?

"Eh?" Was all he could say. Gon leaned closer to him.

"Let's go together and go to different places and see different things!"

Tears started streaming down from Killua's eyes.

It was just like when they first met.

"Do you remember…? Gon… When we first met…"

"Of course I do," Gon replied, holding Killua's face a few distance away from his. "I wouldn't be saying all of those things if I didn't remember them."

"Then that means you—"

"Yep. A part of my memory," he said smiling. "I remember."

More tears fell down from his eyes and Gon laughed, wiping the tears away from his best friend's face. "Seems like this journey is going to be a tough one," Killua cried.

"It's okay!" Gon laughed, holding him. "It'll be fun!"

_Stupid head_, Killua thought as he smiled on the inside while he cried on the outside. He's right, it _will_ be fun. Anything with Gon is fun.

Just like the first time they met.


	8. Komi

**Author's Note**: Recently, I've been playing a game called the Witch's House. It inspired me to incorporate a plot like that into my story~

**Chapter 8 -****コミ****  
Komi**

* * *

And so, four boys continued their journey without Alluka. Before they left, Canary packed bags for them to take, knowing that they'll encounter danger sooner or later. Gon couldn't be thankful enough to Alluka who was able to retrieve part of his memory although it was only such a small portion. Killua had a small talk with his parents about how they should take care of Alluka from now on and how they should consider either training her on Heaven's Arena or train her so that she can be strong enough to become a Hunter. His father refused at first, having a child becoming a hunter and thought about making her an assassin, but the moment he looked into Alluka's eyes, he knew that that child of his was no monster. She was an innocent being, and he couldn't bear the thought of her killing another, after all the Butlers she had put through hell.

"Oh, and Kil," Silva noted before Killua walked away with the rest of his friends, "don't forget your promise."

Killua smirked, "I won't, dad. Plus… It's my fault he became like this."

Silva smiled sadly, "it's not your fault. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care either."

The father and son looked at each other and smiled, nodding goodbye.

_Be careful, Kil_. His dad warned.

* * *

"Hey Gon, what did Canary pack for you?" Killua asked, pointing at the lap on his friend's lap.

"I don't know…" Gon answered honestly as he reached towards the zipper to open it. "I kind of just grabbed it from her and said thank you." He laughed with a sweatdrop. He paused. Killua raised his brows.

"Well?"

"It's just a bunch of new clothes and bandages…"

With a snort, Killua sat back properly and crossed his leg over. "You _are_ clumsy, I'm not surprised she put that in your bag."

"Mou!"

"So," Kurapika cuts the two boys off before any arguments happen. "Any ideas where to head to now?"

Leorio was sulking over the fact that he didn't witness Gon retrieving his memory. "Who knows, maybe Killua and Gon are better off on their own. They seemed fine getting his first one."

"Don't be a baby," Kurapika retorted. "Alluka helped them out, we're not getting any help from her this time."

"Che," was all Leorio could say back because what Kurapika said was right.

Gon reached out to the passenger in front of him, "Leorio… I didn't really think I was going to get my memory that way. Getting the rest of memories isn't going to be _that _easy. Alluka felt bad because she couldn't do anything for me the first time."

Killua was rolling his eyes, turning his head towards the window so that he doesn't see Leorio complain since it was starting to annoy him. That man is still forever a wimp after all.

After the side conversations, their voices faded and silence grew. Killua thought about all the possible encounters with Gon's past whether they're good or bad. He bit his lip as he thought about it, his index finger tapping on his facial skin, then turning his head to watch Gon sleeping peacefully against the window.

"Are you worried?" Kurapika asked through the rear view mirror.

The ex-assassin sighed, "I can't help it. I still think it's my fault."

Kurapika focused straight on to the road, "we all think it's our fault. We had our share, but I'm pretty sure the moment Gon gets his memories back, he would think that it's his fault more than anyone's."

"Gon hasn't changed much over the years," Leorio whispered. "He's always thought about you."

"I know," was all Killua could say. "So where are we heading to now?"

"Who knows?" Kurapika retorted honestly. "Wherever this car takes us."

Without realizing it, they've traveled far enough to go up to the mountains. Leorio was singing songs, Kurapika was trying to keep himself awake, Killua was reading a book, and Gon was asking how to play a game that Killua lend to him before they left the manor.

Kurapika stopped the car, and the three other male stopped whatever they were doing and looked at the driver, who stopped the engine, and got out of the car to scan where they were at.

The place was isolated. The trees were so tall like they were almost about to reach the top of the moon. Kurapika looked up when a cold breeze brushed over his shirt and shivered at the chilly sensation that was now creeping up on his skin.

A jacket flopped over his shoulders and Leorio yawned and stretched as he held his boyfriend close to him for warmth. "Wow, we've been traveling for almost four days. And look at those tall ass trees—"

Gon came out of the car, "what's wrong Kurapika?"

The blonde turned and smiled at the boy, "maybe we can look for some place to stop over. My butt is getting a little store from all the driving. I mean, aren't you?"

Gon sweatdropped and scratched his head in embarrassment, "I am, I'm kind of hungry too…"

"Let's look for a place to re—"

"Wait," Killua interrupted, "I smell something."

The three men blinked twice at the white head. "I'm hungry too you know, and plus—" he pointed forward, spotting a household that almost looks like a mansion, "we're not that far from asking for a room to rest."

"We can't leave the car here," Kurapika frowned. "But we can't really driver any more further."

"It should be fine," Leorio reassured closing the car then locking them. "I don't think this place is dangerous."

Kurapika, Killua, and Gon were in a circle, whispering to each other.

"We can't trust him… He has really bad instincts—"

"Yeah… I mean he fell for a thief back in the hunter exam—"

"What? What's a Hunter Exam?—"

"We'll tell you later Gon, but see, Leorio isn't that reliable—"

"And to think he's the best certified doctor… It's terrible—"

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE WHISPERING WHEN I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS CLEARLY!?" Leorio cried, playfully hitting Killua and Gon in the head.

The two boys looked up and rubbed the punched spot on their head.

"Oh yeah sorry we forgot," they said together.

* * *

"Holy" Gon started.

"Shit" Killua finished.

"This isn't a mansion, it's a fucking castle!" Leorio gaped.

"The lights are out, maybe the residents are sleeping…" Kurapika said softly. "Let's go, it's not right to intrude in the middle of the night."

_Knock_.

! Kurapika, Leorio, and Killua's eyes widened. Gon knocked on the door before he even heard Kurapika's suggestion. "GON!" they all hissed.

Gon turned innocently and pouted, "sorry guys…"

A room lit up on the third floor, and a shadow appeared, spreading the curtains wide open to see who the guests were. The shadow stood there for a moment, then turned left. The light turned off.

"Oh, that's rude… I'm starving too…"

Just before the gang decides to leave, the front door of the mansion opened and a woman with long messy white hair appeared. She had thick black eyebrows, and her eyes were closed as though she was walking in her sleep. Killua froze on his step as he watched the woman glow into the moon's light, his thundering eyes widened in disbelief.

The woman stepped forward and her white dress was dragging against the glassy floor. The white dress and pink belt, which reminded Killua of someone oddly familiar back in the past. Kurapika and Leorio knew about the incident, so they had an idea on how people looked like, but they weren't as surprised as the ex-assassin who couldn't believe what he was seeing with his two eyes.

_No way…_ Killua was shocked. _It can't be_.

The only person who didn't seem surprised however, was Gon.

"Who might you be?" she asked quietly. "Are you guys lost?"

"We're so sorry for intruding!" Gon said apologetically. "My friends didn't want to knock but I ended up doing it anyway. Please don't be mad at them!"

The woman's eyes were still closed, "I'm not mad, please don't worry."

Despite how beautiful she seemed, first impressions were extremely destroyed when snot started to drip from her nose. The woman reached in her pockets and wiped the discharge from her nose and smiled slightly. Gon smiled in return.

"We're not lost, but we were wondering if we could rest for a few days!"

"Of course you can!" The woman widened her door open heartedly. "Please stay for as long as you want. My husband and I are the only ones who live on this mansion, besides our butlers and maids, it gets pretty lonely."

Something clicked in Killua's head and watched the woman enter her home.

The four of them entered the house and bowed in respect. Killua watched suspiciously as the woman with closed eyes continued to walk with her eyes closed. _If her eyes were like that then there's no mistaking that she's blind_, Killua thought to himself.

"I'm Gon, the guy at the end is Leorio, the one next to him is Kurapika, and this is Killua," Gon introduced to the woman.

"Sit, I'll ask for tea," the white female head offered.

As the four sat, a man with blonde hair appeared from another room. He was dressed as a butler, but strangely enough, he had antennas on his head. His amber eyes were glowing dark, giving the group an ominous feeling. The woman on the other hand didn't seem to be affected at all.

"Shaiapouf, can you get them tea? We have guests staying for a few days."

Killua clenched his fists. Pouf is one of the royal guards! He glared at the woman and his eyes narrowed. _Then that woman must really be…_

"Killua, what's wrong?" Gon asked, concerned.

He calmed down after Gon placed his hands on his clenched fists. With a sigh of defeat because he knew he couldn't do anything, he said, "nothing… I just had a weird feeling." But as long as Kurapika and Leorio were on their guard just as Killua was, they could protect Gon together.

When Pouf exited the room, the woman turned her head to show that her attention is on them. "So what brings you to your journey?"

"Ah, I lost my—"

"We were just traveling!" Killua cut Gon off. "The four of us haven't traveled together in so long so we decided to spend time together!"

Gon raised his brow but Kurapika and Leorio understood the gist of what the ex-assassin was doing. _Sorry, Gon_, the three of them thought.

"We're really sorry about intruding," Kurapika said softly.

"Stop apologizing!" the woman waved at them. "It's fine, my husband won't be coming home until next week anyway."

But this woman has a husband, even though Shaiapouf sounded similar to the Chimera Ant's royal guards, he didn't look threatening or dangerous.

"Are you blind?" Gon asked bluntly.

"GON!" Leorio hit the childish boy. "Don't ask rude stuff like that!"

The woman chuckled, "it's okay~ I'm not blind, Gon-kun. I'm just used to walking around with my eyes closed! But I do open them, when I play games or something…"

Killua's head perked up.

"Ah, is that so? Sorry for asking um… sorry, what's your name?"

Her white-green eyes opened, making Killua's heart skip a beat in fear. The woman placed her hands on her chest, and smiled genuinely, which scared the white-haired boy even more.

"Oh gosh! I'm sorry! Now I'm the rude one!" she cried.

"Don't worry about it! But—"

"My name is Komi!" she said, waving her hand once again.

Relief flooded on Killua's chest as Gon laughed happily. "Komi is such a nice name!"

"Ah, gomen! That's my nickname though!" Komi said, forgetting to introduce herself properly.

"My full name is Komugi."


End file.
